This post is a bit different from my usual, hopefully inspiring and transformational, content. 
A few weeks ago I broke a big chunk off my front tooth, nibbling my cuticle. That by itself was a living nightmare, literally, I have nightmares about my teeth falling apart, crumbling or dissolving in my mouth. So when this happened I was pretty shaken up and had a very difficult time adjusting to the "gap" look. I received many encouraging words about how it was "just in time for Halloween" and that I made an "adorable Jack o' Lantern", etc. In the meantime, I was still seeing my clients, face to face, with a large distracting gap. My vanity definitely took a hit and I spent a lot of time doing inner work around external looks and how essential a sense of humor really is.
It took two full weeks before I could get it repaired by my dentist, the process was straight forward and easy...however that was just the beginning. The first visit was just to get the hole filled with a composite material, which by the way, looked perfect. I was then informed that I would need to come back in a week to have the crown put on. Okay, that's fine, NO BIG DEAL.
At this point I probably should have looked into what getting a crown entails, I had no clue. So, on Halloween, I was scheduled to get my crown taken care of....many of you already know that this is actually a horrible process. I literally had no idea that they would be giving me injections, some of the most painful ones I have ever had, or grinding away what seemed to be a perfectly good composite & real tooth...for a full 90 minutes.
During the process I was actively trying to relax every time I noticed that my legs, arms or hands were tensing up. I was deep breathing and trying to focus on pleasant imagery and the music that was playing in the background. I really felt like I was using all the tools that I had to get through the experience like an adult. Towards the end of the procedure I was informed that what they had just finished was a TEMPORARY crown, and that the permanent one was on order and that I would need to come back in two weeks to have this one removed and the other one installed. Then I was bustled out of the chair, told NOT to floss and that they would see me in a couple of weeks.
I was in a bit of a fog and the right side of my face was totally numb, I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror and was pretty upset by how torn up the gum above my tooth looked, it was blue and bleeding. 
I left the dentist office and went to buy groceries, because that was next on my to-do list for the day, and I am a grown-up. I went to two separate stores, bought candy to hand out to stranger's kids and food for the next week.
As I was driving home, I noticed that my mind was kind of blanking out and that I was feeling spacey. Thankfully I am a conscious enough person to know that this means that something is not right. I also noticed that my stomach felt really tight and that my head was feeling sort of "far away". I recognized that the sensations I was experiencing could easily be pushed down or brushed off as stress, tiredness or mental exhaustion.
However, what I was actually feeling, was shock. My experience at the dentist had been traumatic and I was in shock. Once I understood this, my next question was, "What was traumatic for me?" I realized that the entire time I was "being worked on" no one ever asked how I was doing, told me what was happening or prepared me for the experience in ANY WAY. I had been helpless, unseen and the only interaction that the dentist or hygienist had had with me was to tell me to turn my head, look up etc. I wasn't warned about the injections, told that they would be drilling away my tooth and gum or that now, five days later, there would still be swelling and discomfort. I was not given care instructions for afterwards or asked how I felt. In summary I was not treated like a human with feelings or any kind of agency over myself. There were no warnings about pain, no suggestions that I use the bathroom because it was going to take a while, or even a basic walk through of the procedure.
As I continued to drive home, all these thoughts flooded through my mind and body. I felt tearful, anxious and overwhelmed. I knew that when I got home there were expectations that I make dinner, drive to pick up my husband from work and be available to my family.
I knew that I had a choice, I could pull myself together, stuff my feelings and be an "adult" about it or I could let my feelings lead me into releasing and healing the trauma I just experienced. When I got home, I handed my son-in-law the keys, asked my boys to unload the groceries and said to everyone in the room, "That was an awful experience and I am not okay, I need to go lay down for a little while." I gave myself the time and space to decompress, feel my feelings, cry, be angry and let it all go. I feel better now, though I am still making space to be angry. I shouldn't have been treated that way.
I still have to go back for the final procedure, and am having a hard time with that. I think I will ask someone to go with me so that this time I am not alone, I think that will help. I haven't decided if I will make a formal complaint or switch dentists, I just don't know at this point.
As I have been processing all of this, I have realized that we are all traumatized. This is through what we are told is normal life, going to the doctor, the dentist, being ill, seeing car accidents, loss of many kinds, aggressive encounters, seeing difficult things, etc. This "low level trauma" is rarely processed and builds up in our bodies, causing illness, depression and stress. How often do we make time to really let our feelings be felt, make space for the discomfort of "not being okay"? The answer is, not often enough. I encourage you to be mindful of what is traumatic in your experience and to not downplay the value of your emotions. Our feelings are meant to be allowed, it is through allowing them that we also allow ourselves to recover and heal. Take care.

I recently read an article about false positivity and spiritual bypassing. It was a great read and I totally recommend it. You can read it HERE
Working with a client recently, we were talking about this and how in order to feel spiritual it can sometimes means trying to "muscle" our way into higher vibration or a more spiritual mindset. I see that this is where this "false positivity" comes into play, when we want to be happy/high vibe so badly that we become disconnected from the actual struggles, learning or challenges that must be faced in order to grow and become the full expressions of ourselves.
We are tempted to disown parts of ourselves that do not "glitter or shine", assuming that if we acknowledge our "dirt" that we will be disqualified from  the "shiny happy people club".
I compare this kind of "spirituality-lite" to buying cut flowers, popping them in a vase and enjoying the quickly fading sense of happiness or spiritual connection, as if it were the real thing. The real thing is in the garden, the flowers need food, water, cultivation and sunshine. We have to pull weeds, deal with insects, carefully tend new growth and prune away what is no longer needed. They appear to wither, only to return more beautiful, living each moment in season. Deep roots mean stronger plants, some are heat tolerant, others tolerate the cold....I'm sure you're getting the full picture that this metaphor provides. Cut flowers are beautiful, they are the peak of all that is perfect, yet meant for display only. Their beauty fades, longevity is not part of the appeal.
One path to genuine spirituality and deep roots is the path of Trust and Surrender. Trust is a difficult road, it goes beyond how we feel about people or even how we feel about ourselves. It may be easy to trust someone who hasn't betrayed you, yet. It may be impossible to trust anyone because the seed of distrust has always been there since childhood. Humans are inconsistent, selfish, forgetful and difficult to rely on. We create an expectation of what things should be like in a "trusting" relationship and then are disappointed by the very humanness of the people involved.
When I talk about Trust and Surrender, I am talking about Allowing & Acceptance. The only way that I can trust others is by trusting in the Divine (insert preferred word: God, Love, The Universe etc). If I believe/trust that I am loved, cared for and held by a power greater than myself or this physical world, then what humans do is of no concern. If I believe/trust that everything is going according to a great plan that I am intrinsically a part of, then I can accept each and every step of the way as one that is for my best and highest good. This belief allows me to step into the sweetly flowing river of life and relax into the current, knowing that I will get where I am meant to go, and that the timing of everything will be perfect. This does not mean that I will not experience hardship, frustration, illness, pain or grief along the way. This does mean that those things when encountered, will be for my best highest good and that it is up to me to learn the lesson, develop deep roots and continue to surrender to the flow. 

So what does this feel like in daily living?
​Stay tuned for my next post on Overcoming Resistance & Releasing Control