Thank you so much to those who commented on my Facebook account and here in the blog comments regarding my first post about trauma.
Your comments and encouragement meant so much to me, and helped me to make some decisions about where to go next with this process.
      I didn't feel ready to write again until the process of having my tooth fixed was completed. I did have to go back to the original dentist to finish the procedure. Before going, I did a lot of thinking, feeling and verbally expressing my feelings to a neutral party (my therapist). I felt like I would be ready to advocate for myself when the time came and that I was in a more prepared space. 
    My appointment was Thursday, two weeks ago. Once I got to the office, my stomach was really upset and I had to spend a little time in the restroom before sitting down in the dentist's chair. I asked the hygienist what the procedure would be to take the temporary cap off my tooth and put the permanent one in its place. She gave me short answers, "We will take it off and put the new one on." I asked, "How will you get the old one off?" She replied, "With a burr." So it was obvious that even though I was being proactive, I wasn't going to get a lot of information from her.
​     When the dentist came in I asked him the same questions and got the same responses. Apparently a burr is a drill. They had to cut off the old cap and then glue the new one on. They also ground down a couple of my lower teeth so that they would not make contact with the new one. The treatment was the same as before, with little interaction, however because I knew what to expect, it wasn't as traumatic. The whole thing only took 25 minutes. Once it was finished and I was right-side-up again, I asked if there were any aftercare instructions and how long it might take for the swelling to go down. The dentist informed me that there was no way he could make a guess about how long it would take for the swelling to go away, because everyone heals at a different rate. I asked then, for a ballpark so that I would know if there was a problem. He refused to give me any kind of info. I asked again, when I should be concerned, he said, maybe I would need gum surgery if there seemed to be a problem that wouldn't go away. I knew at that point that I was SO done with this guy. He seems to care more about covering his ass than patient care. I left and will not be going back and neither will anyone else in my family.
     Going back to that office was a really hard thing to do, but I did try to be more prepared and be a good advocate for myself. I was not as shaken up the second time because I could prepare myself and also knew more of what to expect. It wasn't a good experience by any means, but it wasn't traumatic in the way that it was before. I think a major factor in trauma is the element of surprise as well as feeling helpless. Because I wasn't surprised and I was ready to advocate for myself in that situation, I was able to handle it much better. Because I always expect things to go "normally" I am not the kind of person who plans for the worst. This is good in a lot of ways, but can also make me more "trauma sensitive". Having this awareness means I need to be better prepared to speak up for myself and ask questions before letting others take charge. I feel like this has been a good lesson in self-advocacy.
Take care.

This post is a bit different from my usual, hopefully inspiring and transformational, content. 
A few weeks ago I broke a big chunk off my front tooth, nibbling my cuticle. That by itself was a living nightmare, literally, I have nightmares about my teeth falling apart, crumbling or dissolving in my mouth. So when this happened I was pretty shaken up and had a very difficult time adjusting to the "gap" look. I received many encouraging words about how it was "just in time for Halloween" and that I made an "adorable Jack o' Lantern", etc. In the meantime, I was still seeing my clients, face to face, with a large distracting gap. My vanity definitely took a hit and I spent a lot of time doing inner work around external looks and how essential a sense of humor really is.
It took two full weeks before I could get it repaired by my dentist, the process was straight forward and easy...however that was just the beginning. The first visit was just to get the hole filled with a composite material, which by the way, looked perfect. I was then informed that I would need to come back in a week to have the crown put on. Okay, that's fine, NO BIG DEAL.
At this point I probably should have looked into what getting a crown entails, I had no clue. So, on Halloween, I was scheduled to get my crown taken care of....many of you already know that this is actually a horrible process. I literally had no idea that they would be giving me injections, some of the most painful ones I have ever had, or grinding away what seemed to be a perfectly good composite & real tooth...for a full 90 minutes.
During the process I was actively trying to relax every time I noticed that my legs, arms or hands were tensing up. I was deep breathing and trying to focus on pleasant imagery and the music that was playing in the background. I really felt like I was using all the tools that I had to get through the experience like an adult. Towards the end of the procedure I was informed that what they had just finished was a TEMPORARY crown, and that the permanent one was on order and that I would need to come back in two weeks to have this one removed and the other one installed. Then I was bustled out of the chair, told NOT to floss and that they would see me in a couple of weeks.
I was in a bit of a fog and the right side of my face was totally numb, I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror and was pretty upset by how torn up the gum above my tooth looked, it was blue and bleeding. 
I left the dentist office and went to buy groceries, because that was next on my to-do list for the day, and I am a grown-up. I went to two separate stores, bought candy to hand out to stranger's kids and food for the next week.
As I was driving home, I noticed that my mind was kind of blanking out and that I was feeling spacey. Thankfully I am a conscious enough person to know that this means that something is not right. I also noticed that my stomach felt really tight and that my head was feeling sort of "far away". I recognized that the sensations I was experiencing could easily be pushed down or brushed off as stress, tiredness or mental exhaustion.
However, what I was actually feeling, was shock. My experience at the dentist had been traumatic and I was in shock. Once I understood this, my next question was, "What was traumatic for me?" I realized that the entire time I was "being worked on" no one ever asked how I was doing, told me what was happening or prepared me for the experience in ANY WAY. I had been helpless, unseen and the only interaction that the dentist or hygienist had had with me was to tell me to turn my head, look up etc. I wasn't warned about the injections, told that they would be drilling away my tooth and gum or that now, five days later, there would still be swelling and discomfort. I was not given care instructions for afterwards or asked how I felt. In summary I was not treated like a human with feelings or any kind of agency over myself. There were no warnings about pain, no suggestions that I use the bathroom because it was going to take a while, or even a basic walk through of the procedure.
As I continued to drive home, all these thoughts flooded through my mind and body. I felt tearful, anxious and overwhelmed. I knew that when I got home there were expectations that I make dinner, drive to pick up my husband from work and be available to my family.
I knew that I had a choice, I could pull myself together, stuff my feelings and be an "adult" about it or I could let my feelings lead me into releasing and healing the trauma I just experienced. When I got home, I handed my son-in-law the keys, asked my boys to unload the groceries and said to everyone in the room, "That was an awful experience and I am not okay, I need to go lay down for a little while." I gave myself the time and space to decompress, feel my feelings, cry, be angry and let it all go. I feel better now, though I am still making space to be angry. I shouldn't have been treated that way.
I still have to go back for the final procedure, and am having a hard time with that. I think I will ask someone to go with me so that this time I am not alone, I think that will help. I haven't decided if I will make a formal complaint or switch dentists, I just don't know at this point.
As I have been processing all of this, I have realized that we are all traumatized. This is through what we are told is normal life, going to the doctor, the dentist, being ill, seeing car accidents, loss of many kinds, aggressive encounters, seeing difficult things, etc. This "low level trauma" is rarely processed and builds up in our bodies, causing illness, depression and stress. How often do we make time to really let our feelings be felt, make space for the discomfort of "not being okay"? The answer is, not often enough. I encourage you to be mindful of what is traumatic in your experience and to not downplay the value of your emotions. Our feelings are meant to be allowed, it is through allowing them that we also allow ourselves to recover and heal. Take care.