 The day grows shorter, the nights longer and colder. There is a feeling in the air that drives squirrels and other small rodents into the warmth of burrows. The birds depart in a burst of energy, following the sun’s rays. Plants retreat into their roots, slowing their growth and dropping their leaves. The hibernation instinct is strong within us too. As we witness our earth family slowing down and going to sleep, we too, slow our pace. For humans, our “hibernation” can take several forms. There are some who follow the path of the geese, and travel to warmer climates in the depths of winter, others naturally go inwards, socializing less and staying home more. For many of us, it can be hard to slow down, and we begin to feel sluggish, lazy, or depressed. We don’t see the sun as much, and often are restricted to the indoors due to unappealing weather. It can be hard to feel connected to the world around us and our own inner light when we feel isolated! A great way to create sacredness, even in the long months of darkness, is through ritual. The ancients practiced rituals as a daily part of their lives. From sacrifices, red tents, coming of age ceremonies, and daily veneration to the gods, history is rich with examples of the human need for ritual. We can take this ancient practice and apply it to our modern routine for a sense of connection in our spiritual lives. What exactly is ritual? Ritual is a personal, or group practice that connects us to the sacredness of the world around us. We use the word ritual almost in place of the word “practice”, as in "personal practice”. Have you ever heard someone say that pausing to take three deep breaths, even just once a day, can calm your mind and give you a positive approach to life? Ritual takes that one step further, by applying physical action. Bringing the physical actions of our material bodies, and spiritual desires together creates a powerful mix. After all, we are neither one or the other, we are blessed by both the material and the energetic world. Mother Earth has rituals! While her activity varies from day to day, even hour to hour, with weather changes, plate shifts, and natural disasters, she still holds a rhythm. She starts the day with the rising of the sun, and settles into the night with the darkness of the moon. She has her seasons that she moves through every year, without fail. We too are like the Earth. Our emotions are erratic and chaotic, our decisions often result from quick-to-pass feelings. What if we mimicked the Earth further? Honoring the natural chaos that comes with being a physical creature, while finding balance within our cycles. This is where ritual comes in. It can be anything that helps you stop, breath, and remember how loved and held you are. Rituals range from giving food to the spirits, tending an altar daily, meditating before getting in the car, taking intentional breaths every time you sit down to work, stretching before or after bed. Ritual will help you start your day on an intentional note, or end it in peace. Ritual grounds us to what is really important, and helps us process and put aside all that doesn’t really serve us in that moment. It helps us to remember that we are part of something bigger than ourselves, and encourages us to be of service to our surrounding world. As a busy and exhausted stay at home mom, incorporating ritual into my life has been a challenge. It’s so hard to remember to ground myself when I feel like I’m living in a whirlpool of things I need to do, or feel like I should be doing. Baby is finally asleep! Do I do dishes? Find something to eat? Start folding the laundry that’s been sitting on my bed for a week? The reality is that tending to my spiritual life very rarely crosses my already crammed mind. My solution? Creating ritual out of daily tasks. I don’t have the energy to tend an altar daily... But I DO have time to make a cup of tea in the morning! Selecting the tea, pouring the boiling water, and breathing in the delicate aromas has an instant calming effect on me. I take this moment to breathe deeply and feel gratitude for another day in my heart. This ritual is less than a minute, but it still brings me back into my body, and reminds me of all the beauty in my life. My husband sits with a special stone every night before bed, helping him connect with his inner self and find peace before going to sleep. My mom journals every morning over a cup of coffee to start her day in a contemplative way. In what ways do you celebrate the sacred?
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 Thank you so much to those who commented on my Facebook account and here in the blog comments regarding my first post about trauma.
Your comments and encouragement meant so much to me, and helped me to make some decisions about where to go next with this process. I didn't feel ready to write again until the process of having my tooth fixed was completed. I did have to go back to the original dentist to finish the procedure. Before going, I did a lot of thinking, feeling and verbally expressing my feelings to a neutral party (my therapist). I felt like I would be ready to advocate for myself when the time came and that I was in a more prepared space. My appointment was Thursday, two weeks ago. Once I got to the office, my stomach was really upset and I had to spend a little time in the restroom before sitting down in the dentist's chair. I asked the hygienist what the procedure would be to take the temporary cap off my tooth and put the permanent one in its place. She gave me short answers, "We will take it off and put the new one on." I asked, "How will you get the old one off?" She replied, "With a burr." So it was obvious that even though I was being proactive, I wasn't going to get a lot of information from her. When the dentist came in I asked him the same questions and got the same responses. Apparently a burr is a drill. They had to cut off the old cap and then glue the new one on. They also ground down a couple of my lower teeth so that they would not make contact with the new one. The treatment was the same as before, with little interaction, however because I knew what to expect, it wasn't as traumatic. The whole thing only took 25 minutes. Once it was finished and I was right-side-up again, I asked if there were any aftercare instructions and how long it might take for the swelling to go down. The dentist informed me that there was no way he could make a guess about how long it would take for the swelling to go away, because everyone heals at a different rate. I asked then, for a ballpark so that I would know if there was a problem. He refused to give me any kind of info. I asked again, when I should be concerned, he said, maybe I would need gum surgery if there seemed to be a problem that wouldn't go away. I knew at that point that I was SO done with this guy. He seems to care more about covering his ass than patient care. I left and will not be going back and neither will anyone else in my family. Going back to that office was a really hard thing to do, but I did try to be more prepared and be a good advocate for myself. I was not as shaken up the second time because I could prepare myself and also knew more of what to expect. It wasn't a good experience by any means, but it wasn't traumatic in the way that it was before. I think a major factor in trauma is the element of surprise as well as feeling helpless. Because I wasn't surprised and I was ready to advocate for myself in that situation, I was able to handle it much better. Because I always expect things to go "normally" I am not the kind of person who plans for the worst. This is good in a lot of ways, but can also make me more "trauma sensitive". Having this awareness means I need to be better prepared to speak up for myself and ask questions before letting others take charge. I feel like this has been a good lesson in self-advocacy. Take care.  This post is a bit different from my usual, hopefully inspiring and transformational, content.
A few weeks ago I broke a big chunk off my front tooth, nibbling my cuticle. That by itself was a living nightmare, literally, I have nightmares about my teeth falling apart, crumbling or dissolving in my mouth. So when this happened I was pretty shaken up and had a very difficult time adjusting to the "gap" look. I received many encouraging words about how it was "just in time for Halloween" and that I made an "adorable Jack o' Lantern", etc. In the meantime, I was still seeing my clients, face to face, with a large distracting gap. My vanity definitely took a hit and I spent a lot of time doing inner work around external looks and how essential a sense of humor really is. It took two full weeks before I could get it repaired by my dentist, the process was straight forward and easy...however that was just the beginning. The first visit was just to get the hole filled with a composite material, which by the way, looked perfect. I was then informed that I would need to come back in a week to have the crown put on. Okay, that's fine, NO BIG DEAL. At this point I probably should have looked into what getting a crown entails, I had no clue. So, on Halloween, I was scheduled to get my crown taken care of....many of you already know that this is actually a horrible process. I literally had no idea that they would be giving me injections, some of the most painful ones I have ever had, or grinding away what seemed to be a perfectly good composite & real tooth...for a full 90 minutes. During the process I was actively trying to relax every time I noticed that my legs, arms or hands were tensing up. I was deep breathing and trying to focus on pleasant imagery and the music that was playing in the background. I really felt like I was using all the tools that I had to get through the experience like an adult. Towards the end of the procedure I was informed that what they had just finished was a TEMPORARY crown, and that the permanent one was on order and that I would need to come back in two weeks to have this one removed and the other one installed. Then I was bustled out of the chair, told NOT to floss and that they would see me in a couple of weeks. I was in a bit of a fog and the right side of my face was totally numb, I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror and was pretty upset by how torn up the gum above my tooth looked, it was blue and bleeding. I left the dentist office and went to buy groceries, because that was next on my to-do list for the day, and I am a grown-up. I went to two separate stores, bought candy to hand out to stranger's kids and food for the next week. As I was driving home, I noticed that my mind was kind of blanking out and that I was feeling spacey. Thankfully I am a conscious enough person to know that this means that something is not right. I also noticed that my stomach felt really tight and that my head was feeling sort of "far away". I recognized that the sensations I was experiencing could easily be pushed down or brushed off as stress, tiredness or mental exhaustion. However, what I was actually feeling, was shock. My experience at the dentist had been traumatic and I was in shock. Once I understood this, my next question was, "What was traumatic for me?" I realized that the entire time I was "being worked on" no one ever asked how I was doing, told me what was happening or prepared me for the experience in ANY WAY. I had been helpless, unseen and the only interaction that the dentist or hygienist had had with me was to tell me to turn my head, look up etc. I wasn't warned about the injections, told that they would be drilling away my tooth and gum or that now, five days later, there would still be swelling and discomfort. I was not given care instructions for afterwards or asked how I felt. In summary I was not treated like a human with feelings or any kind of agency over myself. There were no warnings about pain, no suggestions that I use the bathroom because it was going to take a while, or even a basic walk through of the procedure. As I continued to drive home, all these thoughts flooded through my mind and body. I felt tearful, anxious and overwhelmed. I knew that when I got home there were expectations that I make dinner, drive to pick up my husband from work and be available to my family. I knew that I had a choice, I could pull myself together, stuff my feelings and be an "adult" about it or I could let my feelings lead me into releasing and healing the trauma I just experienced. When I got home, I handed my son-in-law the keys, asked my boys to unload the groceries and said to everyone in the room, "That was an awful experience and I am not okay, I need to go lay down for a little while." I gave myself the time and space to decompress, feel my feelings, cry, be angry and let it all go. I feel better now, though I am still making space to be angry. I shouldn't have been treated that way. I still have to go back for the final procedure, and am having a hard time with that. I think I will ask someone to go with me so that this time I am not alone, I think that will help. I haven't decided if I will make a formal complaint or switch dentists, I just don't know at this point. As I have been processing all of this, I have realized that we are all traumatized. This is through what we are told is normal life, going to the doctor, the dentist, being ill, seeing car accidents, loss of many kinds, aggressive encounters, seeing difficult things, etc. This "low level trauma" is rarely processed and builds up in our bodies, causing illness, depression and stress. How often do we make time to really let our feelings be felt, make space for the discomfort of "not being okay"? The answer is, not often enough. I encourage you to be mindful of what is traumatic in your experience and to not downplay the value of your emotions. Our feelings are meant to be allowed, it is through allowing them that we also allow ourselves to recover and heal. Take care.  \\ Even as the seasons change around us we can still feel stagnant and discontent on the inside. Nature reminds us that every thing is in flux, that it is important to be flexible and that change is the only constant. So what do we do when it feels like we are in a rut? Like nothing is shifting or changing for us? When we are bored or unhappy with the status quo? Boredom and restlessness are clear indicators of the need for change. Sometimes we may feel frustrated, irritated or even depressed when change needs to happen. Often when we feel this way, the first thing we do is start to change our external environments. When we are tempted to reorganize our homes, de-clutter our closets, end relationships or get a new hair cut we can recognize it as an effort to change our inner experience. These things boost us for a little while, but lasting change comes from changing your inner environment.
Finding harmony and balance in your internal life, creates it in your external life. We must make inner change to transform our outer experience. Here are somethings that can help change your inner environment: Meditation Positive Affirmations A Daily Gratitude Journal Looking for the Positive in Your Life Uplifting Music Aromatherapy Smiling Resolving External Conflicts Self Care Movement, Dance, Exercise Going Outside Connecting with a Friend You may still need to break up with someone, freshen up your look or re-arrange the furniture....and de-cluttering is always a good idea. However, doing your internal work first will allow you to be more intentional about your external experience. As always, I am here for you if you need support or guidance as you do your work. Blessings on your journey.  Autumn is often thought of as a time of harvest, gathering and celebration. It is also the end of Summer, a time of increasing darkness and a season to connect with those we have lost. This season is one of abundance as well as letting go. Finding this balance within our own lives allows us to move more fluidly with what is happening around us and within us. So how do we find that balance? I find that the clearest way to see what areas need attention in our lives, is to give focus to the ones that we resist looking at the most. For some this could be how hard to see the sun fading, the loss of warmth, the leaves falling. This may be because it reminds us of aging and the way that we see that in our culture. Autumn could also be difficult because it leads us towards holidays that are usually associated with family, which, if those relationships are challenging, could mean leading us towards a time of stress and frustration. Looking at why we are resistant to the external changes around us, can give us insight into areas of our hearts that need more inspection. If aging is hard to think about, consider why. Does it create fear? What might you be afraid of? What are your fears based on? How can you think differently? Understanding our fears takes the sting out of them and allows us to create new perspectives. If we refuse to even look at the resistance or fear, then we remain stuck. If family is challenging this time of year, how could you change that? Sometimes just softening our hearts, being the one to choose flexibility or being curious instead of judging can change the whole dynamic. Often the change we are looking for is the one that we can make by choosing something new instead of expecting someone else to change.
As the trees lose their leaves they are making way for new growth next Spring. They are allowing nature to prepare them for good things and a season of growth and fruit. What can you let go of this season to prepare for new growth and fruit in your life? What would it take to make that choice? As always, if you are looking for support as you make change and choose transformation, I am here for you.  Autumn is a season of release and pruning. The trees and plants let go of what they no longer need and move into conserving their energy for the Winter months to come. Flowers appear to die, while in truth their roots move deeper into the soil to sustain them through the cold season ahead.
Often as humans we fight this system of release, we don't know how to let go. We grasp and clutch at so much in our lives, including what no longer serves us. Our thoughts are haunted with "should" and the guilt caused by not making a choice one way or another, piles up. Moving from the place of Should, into the option of Could, gives us the opportunity to choose something and escape the guilt of hovering in the limbo of obligation. Instead of saying, "I should be painting/doing a certain thing." We can say, "I could paint, I could write a letter, I could work on my website, I could call my parents..." When we are in this place we can say Yes or No, we can choose what comes next. Setting the intention to prune what no longer serves or suits us makes room for growth. We move forward from this Choice Making place into allowing our inner guidance to lead us. We can listen for what we are Called to do. Being passionate about something means that you are drawn towards it, like a magnet. Allowing this Call to give you direction, leads you on a path towards passionate living and ultimately living your best most creative life. Sometimes we need a little assistance along the way... if you feel like you could use some extra guidance or coaching reach out! -Joy  Intuition is defined as: the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning. This can also mean being able to take action without knowing the "why". Too often that critic interferes with our ability to have fun, explore and play. We worry that what we are making/doing is not right, good enough or even worthwhile. Following your intuition and allowing it to lead you into creative play and art making, opens new or rarely used doors within your heart. When you allow your inner guidance to lead you into painting, relationships, partnerships, parenting and your life in general, you follow a whole new path. This path leads to the passion and purpose of your life.
My journey into art was not an easy one. I spent so much time feeling like an impostor, not sure that I was really an "artist". I doubted whether what I was making was of any value and felt like I just couldn't compare with other "real artists". This changed for me when I realized that art making is not limited to the canvas or any other media that an artist chooses. Art is life. We are all innately creative, we live creative lives, we cannot get away from being artists in our own way, every day. Tuning into my artistic seasons made a huge impact on my ability to accept myself. Understanding that Nature has seasons and that as a part of Nature that I would have seasons too, gave me permission to accept my "dry" times as times of rest and hibernation (Winter). To allow gestation of new ideas (Winter/Spring) and to embrace my times of high productivity (Summer/Autumn). I also noticed that my creativity looks different in the actual Winter season. It becomes about making food, making home and knitting, creating from a cozy place. In the Summer I want to expand and I am driven to work large, build things and garden. The Autumn is my season for painting and canvas work. It is so important to check in with yourself and tune into your own personal seasons. Tap into your inner guide and your intuition to see what works best for you. Listening to your body and meditation are two great ways of doing this. Check out this other article I wrote about how hypnotherapy can help you tap into your personal power and creativity.
I recently read an article about false positivity and spiritual bypassing. It was a great read and I totally recommend it. You can read it HERE
Working with a client recently, we were talking about this and how in order to feel spiritual it can sometimes means trying to "muscle" our way into higher vibration or a more spiritual mindset. I see that this is where this "false positivity" comes into play, when we want to be happy/high vibe so badly that we become disconnected from the actual struggles, learning or challenges that must be faced in order to grow and become the full expressions of ourselves. We are tempted to disown parts of ourselves that do not "glitter or shine", assuming that if we acknowledge our "dirt" that we will be disqualified from the "shiny happy people club". I compare this kind of "spirituality-lite" to buying cut flowers, popping them in a vase and enjoying the quickly fading sense of happiness or spiritual connection, as if it were the real thing. The real thing is in the garden, the flowers need food, water, cultivation and sunshine. We have to pull weeds, deal with insects, carefully tend new growth and prune away what is no longer needed. They appear to wither, only to return more beautiful, living each moment in season. Deep roots mean stronger plants, some are heat tolerant, others tolerate the cold....I'm sure you're getting the full picture that this metaphor provides. Cut flowers are beautiful, they are the peak of all that is perfect, yet meant for display only. Their beauty fades, longevity is not part of the appeal. One path to genuine spirituality and deep roots is the path of Trust and Surrender. Trust is a difficult road, it goes beyond how we feel about people or even how we feel about ourselves. It may be easy to trust someone who hasn't betrayed you, yet. It may be impossible to trust anyone because the seed of distrust has always been there since childhood. Humans are inconsistent, selfish, forgetful and difficult to rely on. We create an expectation of what things should be like in a "trusting" relationship and then are disappointed by the very humanness of the people involved. When I talk about Trust and Surrender, I am talking about Allowing & Acceptance. The only way that I can trust others is by trusting in the Divine (insert preferred word: God, Love, The Universe etc). If I believe/trust that I am loved, cared for and held by a power greater than myself or this physical world, then what humans do is of no concern. If I believe/trust that everything is going according to a great plan that I am intrinsically a part of, then I can accept each and every step of the way as one that is for my best and highest good. This belief allows me to step into the sweetly flowing river of life and relax into the current, knowing that I will get where I am meant to go, and that the timing of everything will be perfect. This does not mean that I will not experience hardship, frustration, illness, pain or grief along the way. This does mean that those things when encountered, will be for my best highest good and that it is up to me to learn the lesson, develop deep roots and continue to surrender to the flow. So what does this feel like in daily living? Stay tuned for my next post on Overcoming Resistance & Releasing Control  I am excited to share this connection with my you all! My own spiritual evolution has drawn me into a deeper connection with spirit and myself as I have left religion behind. Some of my work with clients has been about untangling religious experiences and finding authentic faith and spirituality. I love doing this work as it leads to personal freedom and liberation as well as a new experience of self acceptance.
Interested in having support as you make this journey? Reach out, I am here for you. Eva Live is a writer and poet who is passionate about helping those who have become disillusioned by the aspects of religion that seek to dominate human spirituality. In her blog, Ecstatic Soul Calling, she shares ideas about how to find a path to healthy spirituality that's based on finding your own soul's calling and living in alignment with that. She loves exploring ever deepening states of spiritual connection that can lead to a sense of deep flow, a feeling of exquisite aliveness, and an inner alignment to the life force that flows through all things. You can also find her on Facebook and Instagram. Check out her blog with this link Esctaticsoulcalling.com Hypnotherapy has long been used to overcome fears, phobias, addictions and negative habits. I see these as surface issues that are symptoms of a deeper longing or unfulfilled need. Getting to the heart of where these symptoms originate can bring deeper and more lasting results that equal Transformation. Reclaiming personal power is essential to owning your life and taking the driver's seat as you pursue your dreams and goals.
2. Create a clear path to manifesting your power. Our subconscious mind is designed to protect us and keep us safe as we learn about how the world works and our place in it. At an early age, the mind takes in information through experiences, good and bad. It creates a safety structure around these early events or traumas. As an adult, some of those protective devices and coping skills, developed in childhood, can sidetrack you from your true potential. The subconscious is still trying to keep you safe using outdated methods. Through hypnosis this old story can be rewritten and a new story put into place. You get to choose what this story is and how it will support you in manifesting the life that you want. 3. Connect deeply with your inner guidance system. There are many times in our lives when we just don’t know what to do. We hit a wall. We wonder, “what now?” Other times, we feel that we just cannot trust ourselves. We make decisions that we regret, causing us to doubt ourselves. How would your life be different if you could trust yourself to rely on your intuition? Hypnotherapy is powerful for creating clarity. The clarity that hypnosis offers can be used to surface inner knowledge and your innate deep wisdom. You come into this world with your own deep wisdom. Unfortunately, for many of us this connection to ourselves is weakened or lost by the time we are adults. Accessing your inner guide will bring you back into relationship with your deepest, truest self. Hypnosis helps you to once again tap into this trustworthy source of guidance. 4. Use past life regression to get the most out of the present. We often feel like we are repeating aspects of our lives. Do you seem to always be dating a certain kind of person? Do you feel like you’re making the same kinds of mistakes over and over? Or, do you feel bored with work or relationships? Sometimes, this sense of repeating oneself, or getting nowhere, can be linked to past life experiences. Unfinished business from past lives tangles us in old story, keeping us from moving forward towards our purpose. Unlearned lessons can keep us stuck repeating the negative cycles of the past, in our current lives. Guided regression via hypnotherapy assists you to find clarity by bringing those old patterns or stories to light. Understanding your past choices can give you insight into your present life and circumstances. This deep understanding of self will: empower you to make new choices; release the burdens of the past; and allow you to live your present life with newfound freedom. 5. Overcome negative habits and reclaim personal power. Through our lives we develop self-care and self-soothing methods that assist us with handling the stresses of daily life. Some of these behaviors are positive. Positive examples of self-care include: meditation, walking, reading, seeking connection, etc. Other coping behaviors like: smoking, nail biting, picking at ourselves, over eating, using drugs or alcohol are unskilled attempts at “self-care”. Unskilled coping methods are usually developed early in life. Emotional stress is managed one way or another, so our subconscious will help to fill in the gaps in our lives with behaviors that seem supportive at the time. However, as we become adults, these behaviors endanger our health and wellbeing. These coping methods no longer actually serve us; instead, we become servants of what have possibly become addictions. Hypnotherapy can help shift power back to you in helping overcome these negative habits and addictions. Shifting power back to you comes through identifying the original intent of the subconscious, then creating new, healthy habits to replace the old, destructive ones. You don’t need to be a slaves to an outdated survival story. You can reclaim the power of choice in your life. If you are ready to take the next steps in connecting with your personal power, reach out and contact me. I can't wait to get started! |
AuthorJoy AE Dennis-Struss, writer, life transformation facilitator, spiritual alchemist, hypnotherapist, Reiki practititioner and Intuitive. Archives
December 2019
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